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YeahWrite Summer 2014- Drumbeat of Egora

04 Aug

I felt strange in my cloak and doublet, my naked feet bathing in the pearl white sand. I had been sent to the south-eastern nation of Egora by the guild in order to escort another mage back to the royal city. Being from the war-torn western coast, the culture of Egora was a truly fascinating thing to me. The people were dressed lightly, revealing their dark skin to the harsh sun, challenging it. The outfits themselves weren’t ragtag, battle hardened armors like those I used to wear as a young man, nor did they resemble the humble, practical outfits worn by the inhabitants of the central provinces. They were colorful, carefully crafted masterpieces.

Jewels were imbedded in the cloth. Precious metals made up the structure of the more complicated outfits. Cloth-of-gold stitching were made on the edge of the clothing. Rare dies colored the cloth in exotic colors and patterns. The people painted their bodies extravagantly, sometimes leaving no skin untouched. Women wore the feathers of birds of prey to ornate their hair. Men wore the skin of feline hunters to show their worth.

Tonight, the outfits and body paintings were particularly spectacular. Tonight was the eve of the Summer Solstice, a sacred day here. The sun was a red semi-circle sinking into the horizon before me. The sound of drumbeat started as soon as the last sunbeam fell beyond the horizon. I let the vibrations guide me to the town plaza. The space that had been empty shortly before was now dominated by a row of eight huge, elevated drums. A crowd was forming around a tall, ebony skinned woman. She wore a pearl white outfit lined with cloth of gold and ornamented with blue stones. Her abdomen and collar bone were decorated with azure body paint that also swiveled around her arms. That same blue paint ornamented her eyelids and cheekbones.

When she opened her eyes, I was struck by the cold blue light that lived within, like a piece of arctic sky imbedded within her dark frame. A quick look at the drums revealed the true nature of the musicians. They were magical beings summoned, animated and controlled by the blue-eyed sorceress. The same blue light lived within their eyes and the runes that ran throughout their bodies. The mage’s singing began than, her crystal voice amplified by magic, and accompanied by the drums as well as another sound, as if fingers of metal were plucking strings of lightning, summoned by magic, causing a deep vibration throughout my body. The crowd around me was dancing wildly, the only light coming from the village’s torches, and from magical holograms that appeared in the sky, animated by a familiar blue light. The air was fresh and alive with music and happiness.

Hours later, the music died down and the mage stopped her nimble and fluid dance. The flying lights died out, the black silhouettes disappeared from the drums in a cloud of blue particles. The eyes of the mage regained their natural color. The crowd was in awe. She then spoke the local language, her crystal voice reaching the edge of the village. I didn’t need to speak the exotic, fascinating tongue to understand that she was inviting others to join the spectacle with skills of their own.

I dropped my cloak from my shoulders and pulled up my sleeves. The people around me started to move away as my hands started to glow with a crimson light. I let magic flow from my palms, allowing a cloud of red-and-gold particles to form around my knees. I sent a flow of magic through my legs to levitate me and used part of the cloud to materialize ornate wings on my back. The circle the crowd had formed around me now rivalled that of the mage. I cracked my neck and breathed deeply as I pushed more magic out into the night, extending my consciousness, creating bright red figures of my own. I closed my eyes to better focus. Creatures of western myth materialized in the air, re-enacting the stories of my childhood on an epic scale…

… And I was only getting warmed up!

:……………..PARTY//tilyourlegsgivein…….DANCE//tilthesunstartsrisin……..:

Part four of my Souleater series, introducing a second character. Previous part here and all parts here.Trying a more descriptive approach this time around, perhaps less exiting, but something I need to get better at, meaning feedback is very welcome this week, and I’ll gladly take in opinions, and random thoughts as well! Thanks you for stopping by!

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18 Comments

Posted by on 4 August 2014 in Dragonspark, Speakeasy

 

Tags: , , ,

18 responses to “YeahWrite Summer 2014- Drumbeat of Egora

  1. zampano

    5 August 2014 at 01:55

    I like this piece a lot! Your writing is getting better all the time, have you thought of doing a short story sometime?

     
    • DragonSpark

      5 August 2014 at 13:30

      Thanks! That’s the kind of compliment that makes my day. What do you mean by short story?

       
      • zampano

        5 August 2014 at 16:06

        Something that is ~5 to 10 pages.

         
      • DragonSpark

        5 August 2014 at 18:24

        I might, eventually. Still don’t have enough faith in my own writting and attention spam/commitement ability to try it as of now. Besides, if this keeps up, this series will become long enough to be called a short story, despite the slight difference in format.

         
  2. Renada Styles

    6 August 2014 at 16:09

    This stands alone as its own short story. I didn’t realize it was part of a series. I will have to go back and read what precedes this section. You’ve got my attention!

     
    • DragonSpark

      6 August 2014 at 23:12

      Be my guest! I’m glad you liked this. Thank you for reading and commenting.

       
  3. cynkingfeeling

    6 August 2014 at 19:20

    You’ve done well with the descriptions. They helped me visualize the scene. Your ending is definitely a cliffhanger!

     
    • DragonSpark

      6 August 2014 at 23:13

      I appreciate the compliment, but I’ve still got a long way to go. Thanks for stopping by, cynk!

       
  4. Silverleaf

    6 August 2014 at 19:22

    You have some beautiful visuals in here! And there were some parts that made me think up a story idea of my own, so you’re inspiring, too. I remember the previous instalments and am curious to see how this connects to them. I feel like you are warming up to some action, besides all the magic I mean. I’m interested to find out what comes next.

     
    • DragonSpark

      6 August 2014 at 23:17

      To be fully honest, I’m writing this as it comes to me, so I’ll be discovering this along with you. I do have a vague idea of where I want to take this, but it’s not well defined, or definite, for that matter. I look forwards to the story this made you think of, hopping I’m not completely outshined! ^_~ Good luck with your Melis storyline too.

       
  5. Suzanne

    7 August 2014 at 15:12

    Great visuals in this piece, DragonSpark! And I love the world you’ve built – so captivating. Your writing gets better every time. Keep it up! 🙂

     
    • DragonSpark

      8 August 2014 at 11:05

      Thank you for the encouragement Suzanne. Glad you liked it. Thanks for stopping by!

       
  6. inNateJames

    7 August 2014 at 16:41

    Loved how the beginning of this felt like I was reading travel journalism. I admire how real you can write about fantastical worlds. I think you succeeded in capturing the extraordinary in the events you described. I was confused by the mage’s eyes being described as brown first and then as blue. How did the narrator know her eyes were supposed to be dark? You explain it later in the story; so if you meant to add mystery it worked. If you didn’t, I’d suggest explaining that her eyes were blue because of a possession or that the narrator has seen this mage before earlier in the story. Also, the word is spelled arctic. Nice work, DS, I agree with Suzanne’s comment above.

     
    • DragonSpark

      8 August 2014 at 11:08

      Thanks for the head’s up on the eyes. I actually did not mean to create mystery, but surprise. I’ll see if I can find a way to improve that bit before the end of the day, to make it a bit clearer, more seamless. Thank you also for the compliment on the description, and for stopping by!

       
  7. Melanie L.

    7 August 2014 at 18:41

    This seems like the the next big HBO hit saga series! I love that her eyes are blue and that came as a shock to the protagonist. If I may, I got a little tripped up by reading first that her eyes were dark and then wait, no they are blue. I’m wondering if there is a way to lead me to believe they would be dark without saying it outright “Her dark eyes were surrounded by the same blue paint.” That way, I would be more focused on the shock of the unexpected eye color rather than still trying to wade through my own confusion. Also, I would separate your last paragraph into two that way your protagonist’s powers would also be set off as their own striking part of this story. Feel free, though to ignore me. Either way, I loved this piece! So very vivid!

     
    • DragonSpark

      8 August 2014 at 11:13

      Seems that part wasn’t too great. The end will probs get an overhaul before the end of the day, to clean out the little confusions it seems to create. I’d be glad to implement your other pieces of advice in there too. Thanks for helping out! Anyway, thanks for reading, and for the insightful comment. I’ve still got a long way to go, but the support and feedback of YeahWrite seems to have kicked my writing capacity into overdrive! Thanks a lot!

       
  8. Meg

    7 August 2014 at 23:25

    This flows so smoothly. Your writing has taken some dramatic leaps forward over the last few weeks. It is focused, moves from image to image, logically, and introduces your narrator’s own magic. Loved it. There are a few spelling errors — don’t know if you’re able to spell check in your blog program. Great read!

     
    • DragonSpark

      8 August 2014 at 11:17

      This was written in Word, so I’m surprise the usually amazing spell check didn’t pick those up… Maybe my over trusting that thing made me careless…. I’ll try to root those errors out as soon as possible. Thank you for the very kind and encouraging words. Those mean a ton, especially coming from a writer of your calibre.

       

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