RSS

YeahWrite Summer 2014- Metal and Rain

17 Aug

The air around me was cold, yet I didn’t feel it. All I felt was fear. Fear, and the adrenaline pulsing throughout my body. I was out of breath. My shoes fell heavily onto the floor as I ran, accompanied by a cold, watery sound as they hit the wet pavement. He was hurrying me along, his hand in mine, his face invisible in the dark night, my sight further weakened by the heavy rainfall.

Through the constant sound of rain hitting ground, an engine, a big one, roared somewhere behind. He spat a cuss and ran faster. Just as my resolve wavered, headlights illuminated the street from behind, causing another pulse of adrenaline through my body.

Hearing the engine get dangerously close, he turned around, grabbed me, and leaped in a perpendicular alleyway. Too late. Being in front of him, I got through safely, but the side view mirror exploded against his left shoulder as the Hummer drove by, projecting the two of us to the ground.

After a few moments, I gathered the courage to stand up. Astonished, I found him standing above me, hand extended towards me. His shoulder showed no sign of damage. However, his jacket seemed to reflect light like the wet armor of a knight where the car had hit him. Failing to puzzle out the situation, I began to ask 100 questions at once. “How did you…. The car… Your shoulder… Are you OK?” Without a word, he pulled me up, and nudged me behind him. Just as he turned to face the alley, familiar headlights blinded us. Doors were opened and shut. Mechanical clicks echoed off the walls of the narrow alley. Guns.

Abruptly, the cold hit me. I was suddenly aware of being drenched to the bone. I fought the rising anxiety and tried to keep a cool head. We didn’t do anything wrong! What do these people want with us? This HAS to be a misunderstanding! Since when is going to the cinema a crime? Are these people even part of the police? Yes, they had gyros at the beginning. Why did he run away? What’s going on here??

My puzzled thoughts were interrupted by a booming voice ahead. “Alright, Shape-shifter, you’re coming with us. Come peacefully, and I can guarantee your safety, and that of the Telepath as well!”

Did he just call him a shape-shifter? Did he just call me a telepath?

I was about to voice my interrogations when he disappeared in a blur. The headlights went out, accompanied by a noise of shattering glass. It was instantly followed by the whistle of air flowing at high speed, and something that sounded like a knife cutting through meat. I ducked and closed my eyes instinctively. A moan of pain and a blind gunshot soon gave way to more brief whistles. I opened my eyes to find a silhouette landing on the hood of the car, crumpling the thin metal, triggering the alarm.

The orange blinkers lit up three figures collapsed on the ground, each with a rifle next to them, the metal shining in the night. I instantly noticed the eerie spike poking out of each body. It had the same metallic texture as the firearm. Pools of dark liquid were spreading around each cadaver, mingling with the pouring rain.

Frightened, I turned my attention to the car. I recognised his slender frame, yet…. Something was off. He stepped down from the hood and calmly walked towards me. That’s when I noticed the oversized talons on his feet, and the long, xiphoid shapes that prolonged his arms. They all had the same metallic texture as the spikes in the bodies, and his shoulder which, as it turns out, was his skin showing through a gaping hole in the fabric of his jacket, torn by the impact. He stopped perhaps a meter in front of me, avoiding my gaze, his expression nervous, almost tense.

His feet turned back to normal and the long blades gave way to five fingers that slowly lost their initial metallic texture. He began to speak, his voice hesitant, barely loud enough to overpower the falling rain.

“I didn’t plan on telling you until I knew you a little better but…” He sighed deeply and looked straight at me. “I’m not what you think I am. Fact is, you aren’t what you think you are.” He pointed towards the car. “However, these people know, and they’re very interested in us…”

::……..SHAPE//percieved……………PURPOSE//assigned………….DETERMINATION//stateofmind………::

 

 

Advertisements
 
34 Comments

Posted by on 17 August 2014 in Dragonspark, Speakeasy

 

Tags: , ,

34 responses to “YeahWrite Summer 2014- Metal and Rain

  1. thewizardsword

    18 August 2014 at 15:55

    I cannot wait to read what happens next. This is a really good write; I am glued to the screen!

     
    • DragonSpark

      18 August 2014 at 22:54

      Wow thanks a bunch! Though I’ll probs re-write this when the time comes, just to have it in chronological order. So you’ll probs have to wait a while before you hear what’s next…

       
  2. Tweed and Tango

    19 August 2014 at 12:44

    Cool idea that the narrator doesn’t know what she, herself, is. Fascinating.

     
  3. Silverleaf

    19 August 2014 at 23:35

    Great last lines! You have woven a mysterious and intriguing scene here. I like the characters and you make the action and the setting come alive. There were a few words that seemed a bit out of place but the rhythm suits the story and the story itself is wonderful. I’m looking forward to reading the whole piece 🙂

     
    • DragonSpark

      19 August 2014 at 23:41

      This is actually part three (maybe two) of a larger story arc, which is still in rough draft form on my ipod. You’ll probably hear what comes before sooner than what comes after. Before that, though, these guys need names and personalities, both of which they lack. ~_~ Suggestions are welcome BTW, and please do tell, what words where awkward? :/

       
      • Silverleaf

        20 August 2014 at 00:02

        I wouldn’t want to focus on the odd word; I really liked the story. But I’d be happy to email you suggested edits if you like, or to look over the 2/3 parts when you have them ready. I’d say we could take it to the bronze lounge but I’m not sure when that closes 🙂 As for names, I often use behindthename.com to find names based on ethnicity or meaning.

         
      • DragonSpark

        20 August 2014 at 08:16

        Haha no that’s ok, but thanks so much for the kind offer. I lacked the will and comitement to join the lounge and coffeehouse this time around, which is something I’ve come to regret… Thank you for the resourced. That site may come in very handy in the future. ^_^

         
  4. mridubala

    20 August 2014 at 09:03

    Mysterious end…would like to read the rest

     
    • DragonSpark

      21 August 2014 at 06:37

      Might come eventually! Thanks for reading and commenting!

       
  5. glasgowdragonfly

    20 August 2014 at 09:23

    I’m hiding behind the sofa!!! Great opening line incorporating the prompt and then making it incidental – immediately tuning us into the fear of the chase! Terminator meets matrix meets DragonSpark! Another great short piece! Congrats!

     
    • DragonSpark

      21 August 2014 at 06:39

      Haha Awesome comment! Glad you liked it. Thanks for stopping by!

       
  6. Christine

    20 August 2014 at 23:26

    Great intensity here. It does have the feel of an opening scene in a movie or graphic novel.

     
    • DragonSpark

      21 August 2014 at 06:42

      Thanks! I feel like I’m action scenes is definitely what I’m better at, writing wise. They’re great to work with as well. Thank you for the compliment, and for stopping by!

       
  7. Sue Archer

    21 August 2014 at 02:24

    Great stuff! I especially liked the fight scene. The story reminded me of one of my favourite novels, A Thousand Words for Stranger by Julie E. Czerneda. Looking forward to seeing the rest! 🙂

     
    • DragonSpark

      21 August 2014 at 06:46

      Thanks a bunch! Why don’t you give the SpeakEasy a try sometime? Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting!

       
  8. Renada Styles

    21 August 2014 at 03:31

    I liked this particular description: “…reflect light like the wet armor of a knight where the car had hit him.” I, also, liked how you used the environment (rain, cold) to describe and portray feelings. The last bit about their non-human characteristics makes me wonder what the underlying story is…Can’t wait to read what happens next!

     
    • DragonSpark

      21 August 2014 at 06:49

      So this is part three of a larger story arc that is currently nothing but a rough draft of lists and notes on my ipod. You’ll probs get more of this. Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for commenting!

       
  9. tnkerr

    21 August 2014 at 03:37

    You can go a lot of ways with this one DS and I hope you do.

     
    • DragonSpark

      21 August 2014 at 06:50

      Thanks, tnkerr! I’ll do my best! :3 Thanks for stopping by!

       
  10. Love Happy Notes - Daily Fun and Inspiration

    21 August 2014 at 08:52

    Looking forward to more. You write action scenes so well. It’s a difficult thing to do as they are so physical, visual. Great work DragonSpark. 🙂

     
    • DragonSpark

      21 August 2014 at 09:17

      It’s because they are so grounded to reality that I’m any good at them. I’m rubbish at anything abstract. Anyhow, thanks for stopping by and commenting! I’m glad you liked it!

       
  11. Jennifer G. Knoblock

    21 August 2014 at 11:05

    Super action but I am most interested in the budding relationship between these two characters. The narrator is so vulnerable, so confused…love it.

     
    • DragonSpark

      21 August 2014 at 15:27

      Great! That’s what I was going for. I’m not too good at emotions, so I wasn’t sure how it was gonna go. Thanks for stopping by, and for sharing your thoughts!

       
  12. Kathy Combs (@Kathy29156)

    21 August 2014 at 14:17

    This was intense. WOW…simply amazing. I can’t wait to read what happens next if this continues and I hope it does! ♥

     
    • DragonSpark

      21 August 2014 at 15:29

      It will, eventually. There are two parts prior to this bit which have yet to be written. I don’t know exactly when I’ll tackle this story fully, as it’s a developed concept, and that I’ve lots to learn. Thanks for reading and commenting!

       
  13. Sarah Ann

    21 August 2014 at 16:59

    So good. I could see everything happening in a dark wet city street. Great use of the dialogue to let us, and the telepath, know about the shape-shifter. And well done on using xiphoid too. I’m so glad I didn’t need to look that up. Can’t wait to read more.

     
    • DragonSpark

      23 August 2014 at 13:41

      I have Suzanne, a yeah write editor, to thank for that word. Definitely didn’t come up with it myself! ^_~ Thanks for reading. Probs won’t tackle this world head on for a while, but hopefully you’ll come across it when I do.

       
  14. Meg

    21 August 2014 at 22:58

    Wow. Great depiction of action! And the dialogue is perfect. Nice job.

     
    • DragonSpark

      23 August 2014 at 13:42

      Thanks a lot Meg! Glad you could stop by.

       
  15. Blake

    22 August 2014 at 16:43

    Well, I like the “xiphoid shapes” in particular, partly because I’ve no idea what it means – and I’ve no intention of looking it up, so as not to undermine the uncanny, alienness it suggests to me 🙂

    It’ll be good to see how you develop this. I think this story brings together separate aspects I’ve seen in your other stories – the action sequences, the relationships, and the elements of dystopia – so it’s nice to see those aspects slotting together so well here.

     
    • DragonSpark

      23 August 2014 at 13:55

      If you want to get the meaning (and also where I got the word in the 1st place):
      http://lucidedit.wordpress.com/2014/08/14/x-is-for/

      Funny how I’ve become the action scene writer. I really don’t mind, as it’s the thing I like writing most. This is the third part of my first yet-to-be written, well planned story arc, and I won’t actually write this until I get better, so the concept doesn’t get wasted because of mediocre writing. I was thinking I’d do it this Christmas, but it may be sooner, it might be later. And besides, the “script” isn’t quite done yet…
      So consider this a bit of a teaser, an insight on my first “serious” writing project, one I will hopefully share here. Until this is done, I’ve still got the Souleater series.

       

Any thoughts?...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: