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Dark sounds

01 Nov

It feels like my head is screaming. Not all the time, but most of it. It feels like I’m cornered in a human-sized box with wall on all four sides that I can’t get out of because I can’t even see it. I know it’s there, I feel it and it’s suffocating me. My mind is screaming, but I can’t let it out, I can never let it show because this is what the box is made of: one wall is society’s expectations of me, who ever heard of a girl who started screaming for no reason, saying that her brain was screaming but the doctors found nothing wrong with her? The next wall is my family’s expectations, when they expect me to be sane and reasonable by their standards. Another wall is all the limitations in life, you can’t just say: “I want to do this” and do it anymore, because life doesn’t work like that. Not any more. The last wall is everything else, all those other little things building a wall like a puzzle. If I let it out, there goes my future.

So my mind is screaming and I can’t do anything about it. Sometimes I think I might go mad one day. It’s a scary thought so I push it away, I won’t go mad. The only way to make it go away is through singing: loud and clear, or through my hands when I try to draw something, or when I escape into those worlds deep into my mind away from the screaming and when I translate and transform those words on metaphorical paper. When I do things I love I can forget about the screaming. When I’m with people I love and feel safe with, the screaming hides for a bit. But what if you took away those things? These precious things which don’t seem like much to you, they mean the world to me. Each is a small fragment of love, peace, happiness and sometimes they mean so much more than you would think. You think I’m throwing my future away but I’m not, I’m trying to save it.

 

 

 

(please ignore the kaleidoscope it’s very distracting, unless of course you want to get hypnotised and watch the video all day in which case by all means do stare at it)

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2 Comments

Posted by on 1 November 2014 in Banzaï

 

2 responses to “Dark sounds

  1. Blake

    17 November 2014 at 20:00

    You always have to keep the precious things close – as long as we’ve got one left then we’ve still got a chance 😉

     
    • imab00kworm

      17 November 2014 at 22:16

      Yup! And in the end it left just like that… maybe it’s god’s way of making us appreciate the simple things in life?

       

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