Category Archives: lost things

Don’t be alone at night

Something happened tonight. It wasn’t much, but it was something I hope never happens again. Something that should never happen. But it does. More than some people would like to admit. And unfortunately, too few people care to react (in my city anyway).

It was as if my entire body had gone silent. My ears heard but didn’t listen, my body was unusually still, and the whirlwind of thoughts in my mind had died and only a few thoughts were circling my mind like lost elephants.

I was waiting for the tram, luckily it came quite fast (at 11:35pm) and I sat in a corner and stared out of the window. I could feel a tear taking its time to trickle down my face.

Then I heard a man behind me, he was speaking loudly, making a lot of noise. It sounded like he was speaking to an audience that none of us could see. It felt as if the world shouldn’t be able to hear him. I was afraid that he might be talking to me. But then I was so wrapped up in my silent bubble that he couldn’t reach me. Then I realised he wasn’t talking to me, he was saying things like “Look at that female, keeping her territory, she’s on her phone, females often do that, going on their phones, it makes them feel safer…”. I started to listen, I didn’t like what he was saying but I wasn’t sure who he was talking to, or about, until I heard him say “get out, get out of the tram!” And at the next stop a girl came out, phone in hand, and he said “See, it works, because she knows she’s weak in the end.”. The I saw his window reflection get up and I saw him pass me and sit next to a girl, then try to look at what she was doing on her phone and I decided to stop looking out of the window and concentrate on what was happening in front of me. She tried to hide her phone from his view because he was bothering her and she turned her head and they made eye contact. I know that if you ever want to ignore someone, the last thing you should ever do is make eye contact because that means that they know you’ve noticed them. Then he started saying things like “Hey you’re really pretty…”, nothing really mean or insulting but I was afraid for her. He saw me staring at him and asked me if I knew her, I answered the truth without thinking (as I usually do which is both one of my best characteristics and rather inconvenient in a few cases): I shook my head, I didn’t know her. Then he asked if I was texting her her and I shook my head again. He said “Oh good, I’m reassured”, that sentence sent shivers down my back. One woman sitting not to far away stared at me disapprovingly (I think) but I didn’t know what I should’ve done. Maybe next time I should go towards the girl as if I know her to push him away? But with all the silence in me I didn’t even know if I would’ve been able to speak. If it went any further I would force myself to get up and try to help but at that point I didn’t know what to do.

The girl ended up getting up and leaving at the next stop (along with a bunch of people) and then the man sat down in the middle with no-one around him so I went back to my window. I always kept an eye on him though.

He must’ve known not to come to me then. He must’ve seen that at that point nothing could reach me. I would only stare out of my window. He may have tried to make eye contact, but I was fervently avoiding that so I don’t know. I wasn’t on my phone. I don’t need to stare at it to feel safe. Maybe that kept him away. I don’t know.

The tram was coming to the end of the line and he was still there so I made sure to come out a while behind him and I saw him cross over to the other side of where I was going. I was walking to the RER (a sort of train that tends to stay in and around Paris) station and I saw him turn around to check where I was going. He looked right at me. But I figured it should be ok, he was on the other side. Until I saw him crossing the street. Then I started walking faster, I cut a corner and ran down the few steps between the cut corner and the pavement and as I got closer to the station I figured if I went fast enough I might just lose him. I could hear him calling after me but I couldn’t hear what he was saying, I’m pretty sure he said something like “Hey … are you a policewoman?” (and I was surprised he thought I was old enough to be one). He said other things I didn’t catch. When I got into the station I saw that my train was coming 3 minutes later and I prayed that the strange man wouldn’t follow me. I had to get to the other side of the tracks and I ran down the stairs and across the corridor. The train was coming in two minutes. Then I saw a man. Just a normal man, going up the stairs. I was going to try the escalator when I saw the red light and he turned around to tell me it didn’t work. Then he said a little sport was nice, with a smile. He felt kind and I felt so relieved. I was no longer alone. Which made me much safer already. As we walked towards where the train would stop the train was marked “à l’approche” (coming), and as I turned around (still walking but backwards) I could see the train coming and there was no sign of the first man. The second man, the kind one, probably doesn’t feel like he did anything at all, but he really reassured me and it almost feels like he saved my life.

I stayed alert and without music the whole rest of the journey home but nothing else happened.

I don’t know if I reacted well, I don’t know how I should have reacted. I can only say what happened. I’m asking for help, you who are so good at becoming other people and understanding things in ways few people can, what should I have done? And if it ever happens again, what should I do? I hope it never does but seeing the time I come home it’s bound to happen again sooner or later.


Posted by on 15 December 2015 in lost things



“We all are living in a dream
But life ain’t what it seems
Oh everything’s a mess”

Life is so short, and the longer it gets the shorter it feels. I’m just about to start the life that I have finally chosen, and yet I’m acutely aware of all the time I’ve already wasted. Looking back I realise that life is always too serious until you look over your shoulder and wonder why it all seemed so important then. I still have time to be foolish, to make mistakes, pranks, I’m still learning; but then again isn’t everyone?

I’m about to start a new phase in my life and it won’t be easy but I hope it’ll be fun! I’ll have less time to write (even though I know I haven’t been very active here lately ^^’ ). I hope I’ll be able to keep contact with my friends from last year but I know that inevitably I’ll slowly lose contact with people little by little, and it’s not because I don’t like them but I’ve always had a hard time looking forwards and remembering to look backwards. Eventually I’ll end up keeping contact with the people I hold dearest and those who may be physically closer to me. Hopefully.

It’s a new beginning and for the moment it’s looking bright and full of opportunities: I’m starting a new school and I already have a group of friends, I have an idea for where I’d like to do my internship at the end of this year and one of my new friends might follow me! I’ve changed school 4 times (this is the fifth) and I’ve never been so well integrated since the beginning or so enthusiastic about starting, I usually awaited the “back to school” moment with dread so I have a very good feeling about these next 5 years, I hope my friends can say the same thing about their schools but I know some are just going to be enduring at least the next two years, I consider myself lucky to not be in that situation because I know what it feels like. Ultimately I hope we can all find what we want to do.

This is a kind of goodbye, at least for a while, but I’ll be back, maybe not “a brand new me” like some people might like to romanticise, but an ever-evolving, ever-learning me. So I guess I’ll be a wiser me.

I would end with a nice photo of a sunrise but I don’t think I’ll stay awake that long so I’ll leave you with a song:
Dream – Imagine Dragons


Posted by on 25 September 2015 in lost things


With not a cloud in the sky

The first proper day of summer started off quite chilly. I had 4 hours of English literature exam but as I came out it was summer. Everyone took off their jackets and jumpers. There was that air of lightness that we knew wouldn’t last long. It was the calm between two storms. People were sitting in the sun and in the shade but everyone was outside and as soon as you went inside it was so dark, so everyone stayed outside. A few went to class, some didn’t have class, some didn’t go. The Sun brought smiles to many faces, people wearing light clothes and hearts smiled at each other and every brooding child at the bus stop eventually saw a friend coming. And the buses never came but that was ok because as soon as I got home I would have to work. As long as I’m waiting for the bus I can pretend that it’s summer and only that matters. 


Posted by on 4 June 2015 in lost things


Little Secrets

Creeping downstairs quietly, no-one awake to hear a thing. Our steps are perfectly choreographed: down two steps, skip the third because it creaks, down three more then slowly slide down the bannister until the bottom hits our bums, then carefully forward, sharp left, avoid the noisy bits in the floor and the scattered stools in the kitchen until… Tommy turns the light on and says “We should tell Mummy…”
I quickly turn it back off and stay near it while I stare at my brother and Daniel whispers “Shhhh! Whose side are you on?!”
Tommy looks at us, admiring our complicity. He wishes he were like us but at the same time a little voice inside him is screaming “you shouldn’t be doing this!”
Reluctant to betray our trust after having passed the tests he gives in and follows meekly. We tiptoe past the drawers, sneak past the cupboard, crawl past the fridge, silently place a stool under the high shelf, climb unto the fridge and carefully pass the sweetie jar down to Tommy who stares at it in wonder.
“Whose side are you on now?” We ask triumphantly looking down at our younger brother, still mesmerised by the amount of sweets he had in his hands.
“Don’t take too many” we warn “or she’ll notice”. Tommy nods and takes a big handful before passing the jar back up to us.
This was the last test. He didn’t know this, he thought he was already in and he almost was but if he told on us this time… we could never include him in anything again.
“Are you worthy?” I wonder silently…


Written for the speakeasy (fiction/poetry) at yeahwrite:

Hey guys! I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while, for lack of time and inspiration (and missing deadlines and leaving the last two stories unfinished). I feel like this one is a bit bleh by the way so feel free to bombard it with criticism it’ll make me a better writer (and feel free to criticise anything else too).
Next week I have the school play on Monday and Tuesday in which I will be doing the lighting for the third year consecutive so I don’t think I’ll have much time and I will have homework to catch up on so I probably won’t make it 😦
Hope you have a nice week, and a nice next week, and a nice life and I will try to write more often 🙂

PS. Where is the rum gone? No-one made a reference to Pirates of the Caribbean! That film has the best quotes ever (not to mention amazing music) and you should all be ashamed if you haven’t seen it…


Posted by on 11 March 2015 in lost things


2014 in review \(^_^ \)

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,500 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.


Posted by on 31 December 2014 in lost things