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Tag Archives: peace

Haunted

I’m back home,
Where the walls are painted,
The heating works,
And nothing smells of cigarettes.

Yet despite all that
I wish I was still in that old, cold house,
Wrapped up in your arms
With your hand going through my hair.

I’d felt warmth in my heart
That no amount of freezing tiles
Could ever put out.

 
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Posted by on 17 October 2020 in Banzaï

 

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Sea

Branches with silver leaves

Swaying gently in the breeze
Behind it a blue morning sky, 
Announcing the day to come.
The smell of the sea stings a little, 
The sounds of waves crashing in the distance
Remind you of where you are.

And you hear something new,
A guitar, not far,
Voices singing with that morning dissonance,
Inviting heads to turn,
People to come out of tents,
Other morning voices to join.

For a moment,
Despite how
Tired,
Sunburned,
Mosquito-bitten,
Or dirty
You might feel,
It feels like you’ve found a patch of heaven on earth
In this moment everything is fine.
You start humming along to the song,
Slowly getting up from the place you slept,
And you feel like you’ve been here all your life.
You know these strangers by name,
Somehow in the night they became family,
Uncomplicated and open,
And you’re finally home.

 
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Posted by on 6 July 2020 in Banzaï

 

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Snippets of Peace

When I’m in a bad place I’ll take any sensory overload I can control. I’ll listen to music loud enough to block out the outside and most of my thoughts. I’ll dive into a film or an episode.

It was raining tonight. As I was waiting for the train I stood outside the station. The train that would take me away from my home and to the house I was trying to escape. I just stood outside, face up towards the rain. It wasn’t a storm, it barely rains hard here, it’s usually no more than a long drizzle but this was a little stronger. I stood in the darkness, cars and people would pass and look at me. Did they think I was high or crazy or suicidal? Perhaps a combination of those. I pushed them away from my mind, I knew they wouldn’t recognise me even if they saw me again. One thing I’ve learned is that people don’t care about those they don’t know, most people forget the faces they see instantly.

I was standing face up, eyes closed in the rain feeling it crash softly against my skin. It felt like a thousand small pokes, each one confirming the same thing: I was still alive. It wasn’t invasive or violent, it was kind of just… there. And it felt good after having felt untouchable for so long. It was a small moment of peace in the middle of all this turmoil. A space where I could breathe without feeling crushed by whatever the world throws at me. I could feel the solid ground at my feet. For a few seconds at a time I felt completely free and I didn’t care who stared, who pushed me down, who made me feel trapped, unwanted, useless, or invisible. I was myself. And I was free.

 
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Posted by on 1 October 2017 in Banzaï

 

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