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Looking for air

Before the plan had finished being formulated in my mind I’d taken my headphones and a bag, I was reaching for a mask when my mother asked where I was going. I jumped, and said “to the shops”, it wasn’t a lie, so far that was all I’d planned.
I left and I knew it wasn’t supposed to be warm but my body was burning and the outside air was barely helping.
At the shops I looked at the beer, wondering if I wouldn’t be better drunk. I decided against it as I already felt like I’d drunk two bottles, I looked without seeing. I could feel, far away, a certain anger and irritation. I took a can of cherry coke, that I’d asked my Mum to buy but, like most other things I said, it had been discarded. I supposed I deserved it.


I passed my street and kept going into the forest. I sat at a bench, lulled by my music. I drank my can, it had a bitter taste, it felt metallic, like warm blood. I wished I could spend my life outside. I missed the mountains and the fresh air. I was tired of spending my days wasting away inside. I was losing touch with reality. And I didn’t know what to do about it. The only thing that could anchor me at all was music. My friends were so far away and uncommunicative. I didn’t blame them, I was no better.


I let the music take over my mind. I started to walk home.


I stopped on a dead tree. I read messages from a conversation people were having without me. I felt like an outsider watching the world go by.


I don’t know where this is going but I’m afraid I can’t stop it. There’s nothing left to do but go home anyway.




I’ll get up in a minute.

 
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Posted by on 9 November 2020 in Banzaï

 

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It’s funny
How I can be so
Agitated and
Restless
Sitting still
Staring
At my desk

 
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Posted by on 30 April 2014 in Banzaï

 

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